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Listening is Not the Same as Understanding
Author: | Friday August 29, 2008
Men listen, but differently, says Audrey Nelson, Ph.D
"He Speaks - She Speaks"
Learn to Pick Up on the Verbal Clues to
Improve Communication in the Office
The workplace can be a stew made of many personalities, age groups, attitudes about religion and politics. When the recipe works, there can be wonderful results. And often, if there is a breakdown, it can be traced to communication problems.
Perhaps nowhere is the breech in communication more apparent than between the sexes. Men and women are different when it comes to sending and receiving verbal clues, according to a specialist on the subject, Audrey Nelson, PhD.
"Women tend to pick up on nonverbal clues, expressions and changes in facial movements," Dr. Nelson told an audiences made up mostly of claims adjusters and and claims managers. Speaking to the Workers' Compensation Claims Association (WCCP) conference recently, she discussed the differences and how to bridge the communication gap.
“Men listen, but differently, tending to focus on ways to fix the problem rather than just empathizing with the person they are listening to.”
"Men listen, but differently, tending to focus on ways to fix the problem rather than just empathizing with the person they are listening to," she said. "Women listen with two ears, looking for other clues along with the actual works being spoken."
Dr. Nelson also pointed out how men approach another person, tending to stand at a side angle or next to the person next to them. Women, she indicated, tend to face each other and make more eye contact. "Women stand closer together than men," she said, and added that this is likely a function of evolution from the days when men had to hunt and fight.
Keeping a safe distance from a potential adversary made good sense. In today's workplace, even though your coworker is not likely to physically attack you, the inborn instincts remain.
Dr. Nelson also noted that men in leadership tend to break the rules in the workplace more often. Women are more likely to follow the rules. Men like to banter with one another, often including good natured jokes or even insults in a sparring manner. It isn't usually taken personally.
Bottom line for the office or at home. Work to become better listeners, try to see and hear things from the other person's perspective and above all, be flexible and never stop communicating.
Ed. Note: Audrey Nelson, PhD is an internationally recognized trainer and author on such topics as communication, workplace harassment and discrimination. Visit www.wccp.org to learn more about the Workers' Compensation Claims Association.
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